I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
