Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
