No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
