I'm so fucking centered right now
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
