were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
