Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think I sprained my soul last night
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
