Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Success! We fucked roommates!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
