i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
