so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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