omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
