I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
