I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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