In America we eat man semen.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
