Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
