AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
