I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
