so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
