the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
