are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
