Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
