If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
