wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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