He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
