When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
