Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
