at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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