Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
