can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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