Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
