a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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