We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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