ugly people sure do ruin things
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
