Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
