Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
