I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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