My room smells like vodka and shame
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
