have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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