the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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