i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
