I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
