how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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