it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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