I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
