just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
