I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
