I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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