I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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