And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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