Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
