there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
