Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
