I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
