9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
