Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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