She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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