Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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